Proof that I'm a bleeding-heart whinging liberal is I look at dysgenic freaks like Cyraxx (is that name self-applied?) and think "this bastard never stood a chance" before snapping out of it and barking "get the kids inside Marge and hand me my shotgun". And this is after having a relative of my own who, despite having been raised with all the benefits accruing to an upper-middle class family, spent his entire teen and adult life downwardly mobilizing himself. First he dove headlong into grand theft auto (not the game) and NYC ghetto life and after failing to spend a decade in prison since he was only 16 at the time he then headed to the boonies to do the redneck trash bit. He dropped a bunch of kids along the way that he doesn't care for but I'll get to that later. He was a massive suck on his family for decades before they finally perished and/or walked away. Last I heard he was running an online mephedrone ring, got busted by the DEA, and ratted out his partners to avoid prison. They should've asked me before partnering up with this unreliable piece of shit. I would've told them he's a rat.
As for his string of kids I received a phone call from him about 10 years ago wherein he begged me to run over to Jersey since one of his brood had been busted for grand larceny. The kid was working at Best Buy and had been walking out with electronic equipment for a few weeks before they wised up, looked at the security cams and saw him thieving. I got the lucky call because I'm the last one in the family who lives around here aside from his mother who he didn't want to tell. I called the kid and told him to cut out the crime since neither he nor his piece of shit dad were any damned good at it. You have to be born to it I said. Anyway, I called a Jersey criminal lawyer and hooked him up but that was as far as I was gonna go. Sometimes you have to draw the line. Should've drawn in 20 years earlier but hey, familia es todo. Or so they say.
Cyraxx actually stole the name from a song written by a friend of his, Eric Scrubbalo, founder of Juggalo-adjacent record label Killer Clown Sounds. Yes, my library is that thorough.
Having a few “sinkholes” within my own family, the recollections you bring up in the essay are a sad reality for many of us. One thing I’ve always marveled at are the euphemisms for bad behavior utilized by many in the South. If asked how a wayward relative has been doing, one hears, “William Robert was doing great, new job at Tractor Supply and all, but then he stepped in the dope again and lost the job.” They don’t say he starting using hillbilly heroin and beat up his sister on aisle four. No, it must be politely phrased as if he accidentally walked off a sidewalk and slipped on a pile of meth someone errantly left behind. Or, “The Devil got into him” is another good one.
I kind of respect that, especially with kin. Your loser brother is still a brother, and family honor wanted to avoid throwing him under the bus, even if he deserves it.
My grandfather on one: “Yer Uncle Thom took to the drink for a while, it was rough going, but then he got right with the Lord.”
The depravity of the situation smoothed over by euphemism rests a father’s mind while subject himself is free to describe his behavior in no uncertain terms (he does).
It’s a really delicate dance sorting out where everyone is relative to their family members’ pathologies. Is this guy willing to roast his son for being in jail again; do we avoid mentioning his daughter’s relapse, etc.
When I volunteered at a Juvenile Detention center it was easy to tell the kids who just got in with a bad crowd and needed a change in environment and those who would just drag people down.
If we got rid of welfare and reinstated workhouses lot of this madness would get fixed. The screwups would have a strict schedule to stop them from ruining people's lives and force them to work, the guys who screwed up and wanted back in society could earn their way back. For some reason, though, that's now inhumane. Better for them to be screaming drunk at 2am or humiliating themselves online.
Liberal societies conceive of freedom as the absence of restraint, not self-mastery. As such, the common consensus is that people are better off as ranting bums than with someone telling them when to eat and take their pills.
That's why I favor a national bottle bill. Let the bums do the recycling and the street cleaning. Maybe a small bounty for every cigarette butt picked up as well.
This article opened me up to an entirely new world I did not know that existed. As a 33 year old millennial, who I thought was generally aware of internet sensations and realities (I coach younger hockey players who keep me in the know), I have never heard of “lolcows”
Or even in my wildest dreams imagined there were people making money from trolling degenerates like Cyraxx and Chris Chan.
You sent me on a the weirdest and most unimaginable rabbit hole that I didn’t think possible.
Half of me wants to say thank you; the other half I’m mad that you made me waste my time😂😂😂
The whole odyssey between Marty and Cyraxx, reads to me like a cycle of myths defining the town of Akron- akin to the legendary squabbles of Demi-gods and all occurring in the hinterland of our imagination: Ohio.
As you’ve said before, the internet is a true mythogenic space.
Lincoln's eloquence on labor emerges from his heartfelt, grudging resentment of his father who exploited him when he was young, hiring him out for wages he never saw. I wish there had been a moment in the eighties when Reagan, or anyone else, said, "Would you like to keep your jobs or would you like to buy cheap stuff?" Having been born middle class, lived working class, as well as upper middle, I can verify there are grifters, drunks, and psychos throughout, although not so colorful as the ones you describe. Thanks for another great post!
I must have read a dozen or so books on Lincoln thirty years ago, as well as the general civil war stuff, and it’s funny how he’s seen so differently now. It’s kind of eerie how “history” changes in your lifetime. I really loved Wills’s book on the Gettysburg Address as well as that other one by I forget who on the Second Inaugural.
I grew up with plenty of degenerates. The ones who OD by their mid-20’s or drink themselves to death in their 30’s at least apply themselves to their substance abuse.
The Gollums waiting out elderly parents and grandparents for squatter’s rights to the house deserve a spot in Cocytus though. I have one in my extended family and getting him evicted from his childhood bedroom was an experience very similar to what you described.
He claims we’re all trying to make him homeless. It’s lost on him that he could foil our evil scheme by getting a job and paying for his own dwelling place.
I deal with these trolls living under bridges in ER and office as an orthopaedic surgeon.
Always treat them with kindness and respect as they are my brothers in Christ. But I don't give them controlled substances. We do all controlled substances on line so don't even need to worry about them stealing prescription pads. Damaged souls needing our prayers but not to be manipulated by them.
Proof that I'm a bleeding-heart whinging liberal is I look at dysgenic freaks like Cyraxx (is that name self-applied?) and think "this bastard never stood a chance" before snapping out of it and barking "get the kids inside Marge and hand me my shotgun". And this is after having a relative of my own who, despite having been raised with all the benefits accruing to an upper-middle class family, spent his entire teen and adult life downwardly mobilizing himself. First he dove headlong into grand theft auto (not the game) and NYC ghetto life and after failing to spend a decade in prison since he was only 16 at the time he then headed to the boonies to do the redneck trash bit. He dropped a bunch of kids along the way that he doesn't care for but I'll get to that later. He was a massive suck on his family for decades before they finally perished and/or walked away. Last I heard he was running an online mephedrone ring, got busted by the DEA, and ratted out his partners to avoid prison. They should've asked me before partnering up with this unreliable piece of shit. I would've told them he's a rat.
As for his string of kids I received a phone call from him about 10 years ago wherein he begged me to run over to Jersey since one of his brood had been busted for grand larceny. The kid was working at Best Buy and had been walking out with electronic equipment for a few weeks before they wised up, looked at the security cams and saw him thieving. I got the lucky call because I'm the last one in the family who lives around here aside from his mother who he didn't want to tell. I called the kid and told him to cut out the crime since neither he nor his piece of shit dad were any damned good at it. You have to be born to it I said. Anyway, I called a Jersey criminal lawyer and hooked him up but that was as far as I was gonna go. Sometimes you have to draw the line. Should've drawn in 20 years earlier but hey, familia es todo. Or so they say.
Cyraxx actually stole the name from a song written by a friend of his, Eric Scrubbalo, founder of Juggalo-adjacent record label Killer Clown Sounds. Yes, my library is that thorough.
Having a few “sinkholes” within my own family, the recollections you bring up in the essay are a sad reality for many of us. One thing I’ve always marveled at are the euphemisms for bad behavior utilized by many in the South. If asked how a wayward relative has been doing, one hears, “William Robert was doing great, new job at Tractor Supply and all, but then he stepped in the dope again and lost the job.” They don’t say he starting using hillbilly heroin and beat up his sister on aisle four. No, it must be politely phrased as if he accidentally walked off a sidewalk and slipped on a pile of meth someone errantly left behind. Or, “The Devil got into him” is another good one.
I kind of respect that, especially with kin. Your loser brother is still a brother, and family honor wanted to avoid throwing him under the bus, even if he deserves it.
My grandfather on one: “Yer Uncle Thom took to the drink for a while, it was rough going, but then he got right with the Lord.”
The depravity of the situation smoothed over by euphemism rests a father’s mind while subject himself is free to describe his behavior in no uncertain terms (he does).
It’s a really delicate dance sorting out where everyone is relative to their family members’ pathologies. Is this guy willing to roast his son for being in jail again; do we avoid mentioning his daughter’s relapse, etc.
I felt simultaneously smarter, and dumber after reading this.
That’s what the internet does.
When I volunteered at a Juvenile Detention center it was easy to tell the kids who just got in with a bad crowd and needed a change in environment and those who would just drag people down.
If we got rid of welfare and reinstated workhouses lot of this madness would get fixed. The screwups would have a strict schedule to stop them from ruining people's lives and force them to work, the guys who screwed up and wanted back in society could earn their way back. For some reason, though, that's now inhumane. Better for them to be screaming drunk at 2am or humiliating themselves online.
Liberal societies conceive of freedom as the absence of restraint, not self-mastery. As such, the common consensus is that people are better off as ranting bums than with someone telling them when to eat and take their pills.
That's why I favor a national bottle bill. Let the bums do the recycling and the street cleaning. Maybe a small bounty for every cigarette butt picked up as well.
Celaeno.
You are my favourite sub stacker writer by far.
With that being said.
This article opened me up to an entirely new world I did not know that existed. As a 33 year old millennial, who I thought was generally aware of internet sensations and realities (I coach younger hockey players who keep me in the know), I have never heard of “lolcows”
Or even in my wildest dreams imagined there were people making money from trolling degenerates like Cyraxx and Chris Chan.
You sent me on a the weirdest and most unimaginable rabbit hole that I didn’t think possible.
Half of me wants to say thank you; the other half I’m mad that you made me waste my time😂😂😂
Keep up the great articles, man !
I always tell my students, “I know more than you think and less than you think.”
The whole odyssey between Marty and Cyraxx, reads to me like a cycle of myths defining the town of Akron- akin to the legendary squabbles of Demi-gods and all occurring in the hinterland of our imagination: Ohio.
As you’ve said before, the internet is a true mythogenic space.
Cyraxx is like the male version of the harpies from the Argonautica.
Lincoln's eloquence on labor emerges from his heartfelt, grudging resentment of his father who exploited him when he was young, hiring him out for wages he never saw. I wish there had been a moment in the eighties when Reagan, or anyone else, said, "Would you like to keep your jobs or would you like to buy cheap stuff?" Having been born middle class, lived working class, as well as upper middle, I can verify there are grifters, drunks, and psychos throughout, although not so colorful as the ones you describe. Thanks for another great post!
At his best, Lincoln was a powerful advocate for average Americans.
Politicians in democratic societies never present policies as matters of trade-offs. It’s always, “everything will stay the same and also get better!”
I must have read a dozen or so books on Lincoln thirty years ago, as well as the general civil war stuff, and it’s funny how he’s seen so differently now. It’s kind of eerie how “history” changes in your lifetime. I really loved Wills’s book on the Gettysburg Address as well as that other one by I forget who on the Second Inaugural.
I grew up with plenty of degenerates. The ones who OD by their mid-20’s or drink themselves to death in their 30’s at least apply themselves to their substance abuse.
The Gollums waiting out elderly parents and grandparents for squatter’s rights to the house deserve a spot in Cocytus though. I have one in my extended family and getting him evicted from his childhood bedroom was an experience very similar to what you described.
He claims we’re all trying to make him homeless. It’s lost on him that he could foil our evil scheme by getting a job and paying for his own dwelling place.
I deal with these trolls living under bridges in ER and office as an orthopaedic surgeon.
Always treat them with kindness and respect as they are my brothers in Christ. But I don't give them controlled substances. We do all controlled substances on line so don't even need to worry about them stealing prescription pads. Damaged souls needing our prayers but not to be manipulated by them.
So sad what our society has degenerated into. Sickening.
The list of "who's who of trashiness" reminds me of Noah the T-Rex from the Donut Operator videos. But Cyraxx is nuttier, Noah's just stupid.
To be fair to Cyraxx, he’s also stupid.
I come here for Theseus, et al and sigh, get Gollum and Cyraxx.
Sigh again. Guess sometimes just gotta take the good with the sad.